My problem is that I'm too nice. Now, before you get all angry and say, "Gosh, Stephanie -- what are you, one of those interviewees that answer 'I'm a perfectionist' when they ask her what her greatest weakness is?" But let me get one thing straight -- I'd rather be mean and be respected than be nice. And when I say "nice," I'm not talking about holding doors open for old ladies or donating to charities (although I do those things as well) -- I'm basically saying that I'm a pushover.
I tend to keep my feelings and opinions to myself ; for example, I'm pretty much cheerful and happy all the time at school, which, frankly, is a facade that can get a little difficult to keep up sometimes, and even if I've shown my sadness at school (thank you, grades), I don't think I've ever been outwardly angry before. Mix in my fear of conflict, and I'm beginning to sound like a doormat because everyone basically walks over me. I can't count how many times I've been pushed around by other people or talked over because I'm just not used to standing up and speaking for myself. It hasn't been a problem in the past, but as I continue in my high school career and start thinking about moving up into leadership positions, I've begun to realize just how important being assertive is. As president of Creative Writers of Consol (shameless self-promotion -- but seriously, if you're interested, please talk to me: we have good writing and lots and lots of double-stuffed Oreos), I've run into plenty of problems trying to control a scarily large amount of talkative freshmen, and while I'm getting better at it, I still have a long way to go.
I think this character flaw is mostly due to my upbringing. My mom has always been the rule-enforcer and punishment-giver in my family, and the last thing any five-year-old wants to see is an angry Chinese woman screaming at her. So from a young age, I've been taught to never talk back to my parents and to just keep silent when they reprehend me. This isn't totally bad; I now have respect for authority, and I'm good with staying calm in tense situations. But on the other hand, I have trouble expressing anger and confronting people when I have problems with them. For example, I've had several situations in the past where people spread rumors or talk about me or people close to me behind my back. And do you know what I've done about it? Absolutely. Nothing. Didn't mention it to them, didn't try to solve the issue, just sat there and acted like everything was normal. And I've tried to change, believe me, I have. But the worst things about flaws is that they're amazingly difficult to get rid of.
Writing this blog post has been strangely cathartic in a way; I've been aware of this flaw for a long time, but I've never gotten the opportunity to actually write it out and sort through all of my feelings and emotions. So this year, I'm going to challenge myself. Stand up for yourself, speak up for once, and gosh darn it Stephanie, be a little mean.